


Zelda, Your Father is Racist.

by BetterBeMeta



Series: The "Ocarina of Time Happened Because Zelda was Racist" series [2]
Category: Legend of Zelda, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
Genre: Cross-Generational Friendship, Gen, Racism, Social Justice, bullshit, the princess is a punk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:16:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetterBeMeta/pseuds/BetterBeMeta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After returning from an emergency cultural sensitivity field trip to Gerudo Valley, Zelda has some choice words to say to her father, the King of Hyrule. Broadening her horizons seems to have worked a little "too" well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zelda, Your Father is Racist.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Zelda, Don't be Racist (comic)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/75995) by Corseque. 



> This story is the original one-shot which then inspired the longer work, ["Zelda, Don't be Racist."](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2379302).

"I send my daughter, flesh of my house and heir to the throne, to your desert, and I scarcely know what hellion returned to me, Gerudo Lord. You have much to answer for."

The King of Hyrule, Ablis Ekerion Hyrule VI, took two steps to each of his leigeman’s long strides. But in his own castle, he was not to be dwarfed, and forced his company to bend double to hear as they walked.

"Perhaps this is the answer to your original purpose," said Ganondorf, Lord of the Desert Province, King of the Gerudo. "You did send her to us with the intent to change her tune."

Small and sheltered, the Princess Zelda’s first reactions to outsiders in the castle, especially the occasional Gerudo, had been… wild-fancied and inappropriate to say the least. It was diplomatic to say that her interpretation of ‘dark and fire-eyed demons’ from her storybooks and verses had been unfortunately literal. Ganondorf did not reveal it, but he still bore a stubborn rash where one of her fearful attempts at driving him out of the castle had been unexpectedly effective. He admitted the bees had been an interesting touch, actually.

"You are completely unaware of how inconvenient she has become. Whatever terrible manners you instilled, they are particularly beastly to unlearn from her."

Ganondorf wondered idly what exactly was more inconvenient than several pails of boiling molasses and insect nests, but withheld his curiosity.

"We are orderly and exacting. The Fortress runs on little but the labors of those who live there," said Ganondorf evasively. "I could not know what mischief you mean."

"What was your routine, then?"

Ganondorf thought as they walked, but only for a moment. The complaints, to him, were becoming clearer the more the Hylian King demanded to hear from him. “We rise early, and begin work before dawn. I did not personally supervise your daughter, you must understand. Her care, however, was in the worthy hands of my honored sister Nabooru.”

"And what in the world is her duty?"

"She is among the finest riders of my people, and a master with blades, and quite a skilled…"

"Thief? Bandit? Highwaym—woman?"

Ganondorf had formed only a single syllable of his impeccably diplomatic  _yes, however_  when a young and angry voice blurted out behind them, “Father, that’s  _racist.”_

Under his breath, Ablis Ekerion Hyrule VI cursed that he’d ever taught his daughter that word.

"You can’t just say she’s a criminal because you don’t like her. You never met her at all," said the young Zelda, cheeks still glowing pink and nose still peeling. "And even if she is, you can’t possibly know her reasons for doing things unless you listen to Lord Ganondorf about it, maybe."

"This is exactly the sort of nonsense I was talking about," said the King of Hyrule. "Did you know that the first thing she did, even before a bath, was to slip away from five royal guardsmen and vandalize the official tax and fealty code? The original edition!"

Ganondorf was smiling proudly before he remembered that he ought to play stern and sympathetic. “Ill-behaved to be sure,” he said sagely.

"And her dress! A mess. There was no saving it. And we still cannot find her second lady-in-waiting, and the horsegroom involved with her has not yet returned…"

"He’s not coming back," said Zelda with rare satisfaction. "He knows he did something bad and if he comes back he’ll get punished. Elise is safe, though, I told you-"

Her father sighed with bitter exasperation. “Gerudo King, I have no idea what you did, but it’s filled her head full of nonsense. I expected her only to simply stop calling your sort evil, not—”

"Father, I know I was wrong before, but it’s not like you’re better! You just know that whatever you want, you won’t get it by calling him names and that’s more important to you than actually trying to be good. That’s evil."

"Princess, that’s enough! Lord Ganondorf, this fault is yours! Undo my daughter’s head full of fluff!"

And as always, the great lie; the dark man bowed his head, “I obey,” he acquiesced. With a sharp gesture, he drew the now-washed now-combed Zelda back to his side, and seeing that she was far too short to hope to keep pace with him, scooped her up to perch on his shoulder like a finch.

If the castle staff found the sight peculiar, Ganondorf’s molten gaze turned them away.

"I get to go back?"

"You’re far too overt. You need more training."

"Do I get to ride a horse? Can I have a knife?"

"No."

"Aw."

"But I think that although Nabooru is an excellent tutor, you require more sophisticated instruction."

"You’re not going to give me to your mothers, are you?"

"No. Your lessons on subterfuge, military tactics, diplomacy, and elementary magics will be covered by the finest, and highest authority I can provide."

"Who?"

"Myself."

"Really? Don’t you have… more important things to do? You’re a King, and my father always-"

"There is no higher pursuit than seeing the Princess of Hyrule call her father racist," said Ganondorf with wolfish delight, "Except perhaps teaching her to get away with it, next time."


End file.
